Mattering After Retirement
Rebuilding a Sense of Purpose in Retirement
A practical reflection using the SAID framework
What this reflection is based on
A January 2026 Wall Street Journal article by Jennifer Breheny Wallace stopped me mid-read.
It opened with a statistic I couldn't shake: nearly a third of retirees experience depressive symptoms, with higher rates among those pushed out by illness, layoffs, or mandatory retirement. Not because of financial stress, but because of psychological loss. Feeling less valued, less needed, and less connected.
Wallace drew on the work of sociologist Morris Rosenberg, who identified in the 1980s that the feeling that we matter to others and to the world is a fundamental human need. Not a nice-to-have. A need. When it's met, we thrive. When it isn't, we suffer in measurable ways.
Her piece introduced a framework called SAID, which breaks that sense of mattering into four parts: feeling Significant, Appreciated, Invested in, and Depended on. Work tends to provide all four at once. Retirement can quietly remove them all.
I created this reflection tool because I think the SAID framework deserves more than a quick read. It deserves a slow look at your own life.
A Simple Check-In
Right now, I feel that I matter in my life:
⬜ Often ⬜ Sometimes ⬜ Rarely
No scoring. Just an honest snapshot.
The Four Parts of SAID
Work gives us a sense of meaning and belonging in a neat package. We show up, we contribute, we're needed. When that structure falls away, most of us don't lose our value. We lose the scaffolding that made it visible.
S — Significant Feeling seen and essential, not invisible or interchangeable
Ask yourself:
Where in my life am I valued as a person, not just for being useful?
When do I feel overlooked or easily replaced?
If I stopped being productive for a while, who would still want me around?
Notice where conversations go beyond tasks and logistics, and where your presence matters even when nothing needs to be done.
This week: Spend time in one setting where you don't have to perform, fix, or manage anything.
A — Appreciated Feeling that what you contribute is noticed and acknowledged
Ask yourself:
Who regularly acknowledges what I bring, without me having to point it out?
Where do my efforts feel taken for granted?
What kind of appreciation actually lands for me: words, time, follow-through?
Notice whether appreciation is specific or vague. Whether it feels mutual or one-sided.
This week: Offer your energy somewhere that appreciation feels genuine.
I — Invested In Feeling supported and cared for, not just relied on
Ask yourself:
Who checks in on me without needing something?
Where am I always the capable one, with little room to receive?
What kind of support do I wish I had more of right now?
Notice who sees when you're tired. Who stays present when things aren't going smoothly.
This week: Let one person know what would feel supportive right now. Clearly and simply.
D — Depended On Feeling needed in ways that are meaningful, not just draining
Ask yourself:
Who would notice if I didn't show up?
Where does my presence genuinely make a difference?
Which kinds of being needed give me energy, and which ones take it?
Notice whether you feel chosen or obligated. Whether the need fits who you are now.
This week: Say yes to one role where you feel meaningfully needed. Say no to one that no longer fits.
Putting It Together
Finish these sentences in your own words:
Right now, the strongest source of my sense of value comes from:
The part that feels weakest or most fragile is:
One small change I could make this month to strengthen my sense of meaning and value is:
A note from my work
One of my first coaching clients came to me struggling to feel useful. She felt like a burden to her family, certain they didn't have time for her. What she was really grappling with was a loss of purpose, and the quiet fear that her best years of being needed were behind her.
Over the course of our work together, she began to see that purpose doesn't look the same at 70 as it did at 40. It doesn't have to. She turned her love of knitting into an act of service and started making hats and scarves to donate for people in need in her community. Six months later, she was engaged with her neighbors, her family, and the wider world in ways she hadn't expected.
She didn't find a new purpose. She found one that fit who she was now.
A closing thought
Retirement doesn't take away your value. It removes the structures that made your value obvious.
For some people, that feels like freedom. For others, it feels like a loss. Often, it's both at the same time.
This reflection is about starting to choose, intentionally and on your own terms, where and how your value gets expressed from here.
If any part of this reflection stirred something for you, I'd love to hear what came up. If you'd like to talk it through with someone, I'm easy to reach.